You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
