this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
