Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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