How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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