Sry I called you an 8
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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