Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
