I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
