How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
