mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
