I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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