I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
