Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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