you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
