this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As shirtless as possible
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize