that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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