I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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