11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize