so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
