8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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