break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
