awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize