Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
