I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
