Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I FOUND THE LEGS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
