since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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