VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
