Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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