I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
