I must be too annoying 4 u.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
