Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
