I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
