I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
