No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
