I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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