If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
