Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
