i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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