I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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