shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
