Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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