Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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