Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
