Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize