I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
