What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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