It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
