we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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