guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Randomize
