Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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