Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
