I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
