I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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