is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
