Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
