I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
