Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
