Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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