I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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