We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
