waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
