if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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