he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
