found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
