love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
