I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize