We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
