By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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